I remember the day
Even wrote down the date, that I fell for you (mmhm)
And now it’s crossed out in red
But I still can’t forget if I wanted too
And it drives me insane
Think I’m hearing your name, everywhere I go
But it’s all in my head
It’s just all in my head

But you won’t see me break, call you up in three days
Or send you a bouquet, saying, “It’s a mistake”
Drink my troubles away, one more glass of champagne
And you know

I’m the first to say that I’m not perfect
And you’re the first to say you want the best thing
But now I know a perfect way to let you go
Give my last hello, hope it’s worth it
Here’s your perfect

My best was just fine
How I tried, how I tried to be great for you
I’m flawed by design and you love to remind me
No matter what I do

But you won’t see me break, call you up in three days
Or send you a bouquet, saying, “It’s a mistake”
Drink my troubles away, one more glass of champagne
And you know

I’m the first to say that I’m not perfect
And you’re the first to say you want the best thing
But now I know a perfect way to let you go
Give my last hello, hope it’s worth it
I’m the first to say that I’m not perfect
And you’re the first to say you want the best thing (best thing, yeah)
But now I know a perfect way to let you go
Give my last hello, hope it’s worth it

Say yeah, yeah, yeah
But now I know a perfect way to let you go
Give my last hello, hope it’s worth it
Here’s your perfect

Here’s Your Perfect – Jamie Miller

Sometime you gotta find strength from the pain and move on with your life. #Reminder

Tentu. Kau boleh saja masuk
masih ada ruang
di sela-sela butir darahku.

Tak hanya ketika rumahku sepi,
angin hanya menyentuh gorden,
laba-laba menganyam jaring,
terdengar tetes air keran
yang tak ditutup rapat;
dan di jalan
sama sekali tak ada orang
atau kendaraan lewat.

Tapi juga ketika turun hujan,
angin tempias lewat lubang angin,
selokan ribut dan meluap ke pekarangan, genting bocor dan aku capek menggulung kasur dan mengepel lantai.

Tentu. Kau boleh mengalir
di sela-sela butir darahku,
keluar masuk dinding-dinding jantungku,
menyapa setiap sel tubuhku.

Tetapi jangan sekali-kali
pura-pura bertanya kapan boleh pergi
atau seenaknya melupakan
percintaan ini.

Sampai huruf terakhir sajak ini, Kau-lah yang harus bertanggung jawab
atas air mataku.

Sapardi Djoko Damono

If you love somebody…

Say it out loud…

even when you are scared…

And… you go from there

You just don’t walk away.

Once in a life time, we might have the feeling of insecurity, low self esteem, or not valueable. Some feel that way because of appearance: I am fat, I am not tall, I am ugly, etc. Some because of social economics status: I am poor, I am not educated, I have not got a good job. Some feel that way because of rejection, broken relationship, abuse. We feel that way for so many other reasons.

Most people try to cover up by racing to be the better version of ourself. I do not say it is not good. It is indeed very good to always do better, aim better, be better. However changing should be coming from the mindset and perspective. Without changing the mindset, no mattter how well we do in life, we will be easily back to feel the way we feel before: inferior, low, not valueable,

Maybe… you are now feeling that way. This is the good news for you. You are not alone. We all face our own issues and that is OK. Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws. That is perfectly normal to feel the way you feel now, but you should not be in the pity party for your whole life.

Another good news: you can always change your perspective and mindset. Please know and acknowledge that you are valuable.

Psalm 139. I love love this verse, one of my favorit in the bible. Whenever I am having a tough and rough time and doubt myself, I keep coming back to these bible verses.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me.

Psalms 139:13‭-‬18 NLT

Let’s root ourself in how God creates and views us, and let us our mind and perspective be renewed by the truth:

You are special

You are precious

You are valueable

PJ, March 2, 2021

Many people ask… where is God during this Covid-19 pandemic. If God is so powerful… why He sent this plague? And why He does not cure people? This thought crossed my mind too and I do not have the answer for those difficult questions. More than ever the pandemic has brought impacts to many: many people lost their jobs, many have salary cut, businesses have collapsed, and not mentioning people who lost their family member due to this virus.

I know many people have been feeling discouraged during this pandemic. Sometime I do feel the same way. It is not easy to keep being positive and encouraged by all the news in the media. And I ask God: WHY? I also ask God, what is next for us?

Today’s sermon reminded me again about the God’s gift of salvation. Being saved is the gift of God through Jesus Christ. It is not by our good deeds, because salvation is the demonstration of God’s rich mercy. We do not earn it by faith, we receive it by faith. With the salvation, we have become part of God’s people and the partner for the good works that He has prepared ahead of time.

In this difficult time of Covid-19 pandemic, let’s do not loose the hope of salvation of Jesus Christ. We do not stop being in Christ when we struggle. Yet, everything is prepared for us to be in God’s plan, to do good works.

As I am writing this three things came up to me: be kind, be generous, do not judge. I heard and read many people judge other for not following the covid lockdown rules, but hey… we may not know other people’s struggles. What we can do is to always be kind to others and be generous to people in needs. I guess by doing those simple things we have become part of God’d plan to do good works .

Jakarta, September 27, 2020.

It is just a beginning of new year and we have already trials in the form of: FLOOD. Jakarta is literally sinking! Thanks to the new elected governor who can not even continue the good work from the previous one. Of course, I did not choose him!

https://theaseanpost.com/article/indonesia-floods-leave-29-dead-several-missing

Our area is flooded, after nearly 12 years of never ever having any flood. The water was so high, it came inside my mother’s house around 50 cm. What a day to welcome 2020. We had no electricity and water either. Thank God that the water did not enter my house, so we could evacuate my parents to my house.

We had spent 2 days to clean up the house and still continue. I have never seen mud that much inside a house for whole my life! It is very tiring physically and mentally. Physically: my waist and feet are sore now 😆😆😆. Mentally: I and my brother have lots of quarrel with mother about what things to throw away. She wanted to keep all the “junks”, while we just wanted to clean things up.

It is not an easy beginning of 2020. It is not easy to smile while feeling very tired. However, as always I believe God is always good in every situation. I am thankful that people came to help us cleaning the house. We have favors from those people. They could stay at home instead of helping us. Praise the Lord for his helping hands. God sustains us.

Hoping and praying that the rain will not happen again during this rainy season. 😆😆😆 I love the rain, but not the flood. LOL.

Jakarta, December 3, 2019.